


The Winter Soldier

by Kaunis_Sielu



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2019-02-22 12:27:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13166901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaunis_Sielu/pseuds/Kaunis_Sielu
Summary: So Seb has talked about Bucky looking kinda homeless in TWS because he was, the Russians lost him for a while and I just loved that and this came forth. It got way longer than I thought it would.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So Seb has talked about Bucky looking kinda homeless in TWS because he was, the Russians lost him for a while and I just loved that and this came forth. It got way longer than I thought it would.

It was the crash that had startled you awake. The broken man outside was what got your attention. He was dazed and confused and clearly needed help. He looked like a scared puppy, that was what got you up. Your mom had taught you to help others when they needed it, and this guy clearly needed it. You pop open your window and drop a blanket out of it. He looks up and his wild eyes meet yours.

“Sorry.” You call softly, “You looked cold. Are you hungry?” He nods. “Okay, I’ll make you a sandwich. Stay there.” You slip into the kitchen being as quiet as you can as to not wake your mom. In the end you make him three sandwiches, he’s such a large man and you don’t know the last time he ate. You put them in a large ziplock bag and then slip back into your bedroom. “Psst.” You hiss sticking your head back out the window. He looks up in surprise and you drop the sandwiches, he catches them and you swear you see a flash of silver come from his left hand. Does he have a knife? You’re suddenly very glad you’re three stories up.

“Thank you.” His voice is hoarse and quiet but you can hear the gratitude.

“What’s your name?” You ask him.

“I think it’s Bucky. I don’t remember.” He doesn’t remember his own name? You watch him eat for a minute, a gust of wind blows past your window and you shiver. You’re worried he won’t be warm enough. It’s a cold night and you don’t want him to get sick, or something. You wish you could invite him in but your mom about had a heart attack when you brought home that stray kitten, you’re pretty sure she’d be furious if you let in a stray man.

“Do you want another blanket?” You ask softly and he shakes his head.

“No thanks sweetheart.” He smiles up at you, “I’ll be fine. Get some sleep.” You nod then shut the window and crawl back into your bed.

He’s there for the next six months. His hair getting longer, his beard comes in. He begins to remember more, he tells you his name was James Barnes, but his friends called him Bucky. He tells you you remind him of his little sister, Rebecca. He thinks he used to live in the area but again he can’t remember. For some reason you’re never scared of him, even if he does have an arm made out of metal.

You also don’t tell your mom about him. She’d freak if she found out her thirteen year old was friends with some random homeless guy who made camp under her window. Two stories down but still.

You wait for him to come back for almost a year before you give up. Your fourteen year old self is more into boys, make-up and fitting in than she is into the homeless guy who used to live outside your window.

You think about him less and less as the years go by. Occasionally he drifts through your thoughts, you’d tried to find him once but the only James Barnes you’d been able to find was one that had been a Howling Commando in World War II. So that wasn’t much help. When you were 26 your mom remarried and decided that she was done living in Brooklyn. You’d convinced her to sell her apartment to you, it was in a safer neighborhood now than it had been when you were a kid and it was nice knowing the last occupant. An apartment in Brooklyn this size was going for 6 figures, easy, and your mom practically gave it to you.

It was weird, living in the house that you’d shared with your mom. You were still staying in your old room, you wanted to paint and remodel the master bed and bathrooms so you were taking your time to move in. It didn’t help that there’d just been some huge battle in DC. Massive planes had fallen from the sky. Some terrorist group called Hydra had been discovered. While the actual destruction happened two days ago it’s all the news has been playing.

It’s the crash that gets your attention. You bolt out of bed, grab the softball bat you keep by your bed and slip quietly to your window. You peer out and your mouth drops open. Bucky?

He doesn’t look a day older than he did when first saw him out this window so many years ago.

“Bucky?” You ask after throwing open the window. His head whips up and you can’t help the gasp that passes your lips. There’s blood on his face, dirt too, he looks like he’s been through hell. His non-metal arm is hanging uselessly to his side, it looks dislocated to you.

“Hi.” He gives you a flicker of a smile, “I wondered if you’d still be around Doll.”

“What happened to you?”

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.” He says lightly but you have a feeling he’s not joking. As a doctor you swore an oath to help people in need, but you really don’t want to go out there. It’s cold, early spring isn’t exactly T-shirt weather, and dark. You glance behind you into the empty apartment. You could let him in here, you don’t have to let him know you live alone.

“Do you need help?” You ask, and he looks at you in confusion, “You look hurt. I can help.” You clarify and he nods. “Come on up, 3A.” You slide the window shut as he moves around the side of the building. Oh god what are you doing? He hits the buzzer and you let him up to your apartment, when you open the door to let him in you’re floored. He’s massive. “Have a seat. Can you get your jacket off?” You don’t know what else to call the metal and leather he’s wearing.

“Yea.”

“I’m going to grab my first aid kit and see what we can do.” His shirt is off when you come back. His back is to you and you can help but stare. The metal of his left arm is literally fused to his skin, it looks like it was so painful. The scar tissue pulls awkwardly and it looks irritated. His back is full of scars, long and pale against his skin like he’d been sliced over and over again. You shake your head and snap into business mode. He needs your help.

“Alright Bucky.” You say pulling gloves on, “I’m going to put your shoulder back into place. Do you have something to bite on?”

“I won’t need it Doll.” He says quietly, his bright blue eyes look up at you and you nod then reset his shoulder. He hardly flinches.

“Any other injuries I should know about?”

“Might’ve broken a rib or two but I’m fine.”

“May I?” You ask gesturing to his chest. He nods and you gently prod around it, feeling for anything that doesn’t feel right. “I don’t think any are broken but I won’t know for sure without an X-ray.”

“I’m fine.”

“Do you want a shower? I can see if I have any of my ex’s clothes that’ll fit you.”

“That would be nice.” You get him set up in the bathroom then dig out an extra pillow and some blankets from one of your many boxes.

When he comes out of the bathroom the pants are a bit short and tight on his thighs but they work. “I grabbed you a pillow and some blankets. I have work in the morning but you’re welcome to stay here. I’m a light sleeper so if you need anything just call for me.”

“I can go back outside Doll.” You search his face, then gently squeeze his arm.

“I don’t know why, but I trust you Bucky.”

“Why do you keep calling me that?”

“You told me that was what you thought your name was last time you were here. Isn’t that your name?”

“He called me James.”

“Who did?”

“The man from the bridge.” You don’t know what he’s talking about, maybe some sleep will help.

“Why don’t you get some sleep? We’ll talk about it in the morning. Okay?” He nods and you head to your bedroom. You don’t think he’s going to do anything, he’s never seemed threatening to you. Just before you shut your door you hear him mutter.

“James Buchanan Barnes. He said my name was James, Buchanan, Barnes.”


	2. Chapter 2

You shouldn’t be surprised when he’s still there in the morning. But you are. He doesn’t look like he’s slept much, if at all.

“Bucky?” You ask gently and his head whips around, his eyes unfocused. It’s only for a second but in that second he’s truly terrifying.

Then he seems to remember you, the tension melts from his body. “Did you sleep okay?” You continue in that calm, quiet voice, despite your heart pounding in your chest.

“Yea. I don’t need much sleep.”

“You hungry?”

“A little.” He says before his stomach betrays him by grumbling loudly.

“Mmhmm. A little.” You tease before padding past him into the kitchen.

You make breakfast quickly, a five egg omelette for him and a three for you, He wolfs down the whole thing. You have to get to work by noon so after you get ready you pass him your extra key.

“Make yourself at home. I have to go to work but you’re welcome to stay.” You tell him tugging on your coat. “And maybe stay inside.” You’re not positive but your gut is telling you he’s involved with this whole Captain America and giant aircrafts in the river business in DC.

“You don’t have to do this.”

“I know. Maybe I like having you around Bucky.” You give him a smile then head out into the brisk New York air.

This starts a pattern between the two of you, Bucky memorizes your schedule, breakfast is ready in the morning when you get up and dinner is on the table when you get home. You had to buy him some new clothes, something he swears he doesn’t need but you don’t need him scaring the shit out of Mrs. Chamberlain down the hall in his murder suit.

It had taken him two weeks to confess to you who he was. You hadn’t been surprised, you’d done your research after you heard him whispering his name that first night. What you couldn’t figure out was how he was still alive. He’d answered that question for you. The stories he’d told you about his time in Hydra were heartbreaking, he’d stopped after he caught you crying one night.

He’d unpacked your whole apartment and helped you finish getting settled back into your old apartment, moving furniture around was much easier with a super Soldier.

It was the week of Labor Day that he’d asked to go.

“You wanna go to Washington DC now? When it’s a holiday weekend?” You ask, surprise etched onto your face.

“No, I want to go right after. I need to know Doll. I need to know who I was.” You’d taught him how to use a computer and now it seemed to be biting you in the ass. You groan softly, then look at your calendar.

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, I can go next week, Tuesday through Friday. Does that work?” He nods and you sigh before texting your boss that you’ll be out of town on those days so he doesn’t put you on call.

“Thank you.” You nod then get to work on train tickets, there’s no way Bucky with his metal arm is getting on an airplane.

DC is still crazy, even a week after the three day weekend there are people everywhere. You’re surprised, you’d thought it’d calm down by now. Bucky wanted to go to the Captain America museum. Apparently that had been the man on the bridge. He throws an arm over your shoulders, people looking at you would never guess you weren’t a regular couple. You enter the museum and your heart sinks, metal detectors. They’re everywhere in this damn city.

“Bucky how are you going to get past the metal detectors?” You mutter pressing yourself close to him, “Your entire arm is metal.”

“Don’t worry about it Doll. Meet me in the northwest corner in ten minutes.” He mumbles before pressing a soft kiss to your temple. He melts into the crowd easily, which is seriously impressive considering he is not a small man. Fifteen minutes later you’re hanging out in the northwest corner and he still hasn’t shown up, you’re starting to panic. You check your phone for the time again and are just about to go looking for him when an arm encircles your shoulders.

“I said northwest corner Doll.” Bucky mutters, the amusement evident in his voice. He gives you a gentle squeeze and you look sheepishly up at him.

“I thought this was.” He chuckles lightly and the two of you move through the museum. He stops and stares every now and then but he doesn’t say much, surprisingly no one seems to notice him or his similarity to the famous Captain’s best friend.

Bucky freezes in front of a photo of himself, his blue eyes study the face he sees there. He seems, apprehensive. You watch him as he reads about himself, and what happened. How strange it must be for him to not remember, it’s his life but he’s almost like a stranger in it. You’re there for hours, you don’t mind. It’s heartbreakingly interesting watching him rediscover himself.

“I’m ready.” He says, taking your hand in his flesh one. He doesn’t like you touching his metal hand, he’s never told you why but you’re pretty sure it’s because he’s afraid he’ll accidentally hurt you.

“Alright.” You glance up at him trying to read his face. It’s almost impossible to know what’s going on in his head.

The train ride home is uneventful. You end up falling asleep against Bucky’s side, only waking when he softly says your name. You make your way home, his arm thrown over your shoulders yours wrapped around his waist.

When you get home you go into the room he’s been using and dig in the desk drawer for the notebook you know you’ll find there. He needs something to help him keep his thoughts straight. When you turn around he’s standing in the doorway watching you.

“So I had a thought.” You tell him making your way over to him, “You need to keep your thoughts straight, to remember everything. I think this will help.” You pass him the notebook.

“What should I write in it?”

“Anything you want. Memories, dreams, things you’re unsure about, your thoughts. Anything.”

“Thank you.” He says softly before tucking some hair behind your ear. “Doll-“

“I know.” You choke out. You’ve known for a while that this day was coming.

“I’ve stayed too long. I’m just putting you in danger.”

“It’s okay Bucky. I knew you couldn’t stay forever.” You whisper, you can’t look at him. If you do you’re never going to be able to keep the tears at bay.

“I’ll go tonight.” He says softly, before he gently tugs you toward him. You wrap your arms around his waist, having him here felt like home. “I owe you so much Doll.”

“You always have a home here.”

“Thank you, if you ever need me use the transmitter I gave you.”

“I will.” You pull away from him and it’s like you’re yanking a part of your heart out of your body. You didn’t know that he’d come to mean so much to you, but here you were, devastated he was leaving. You know it’s for the best but god you don’t want him to go.

“Bye Doll.” He says tenderly.

“Bye Bucky.” You whisper, not looking at him form your bedroom door. If you look at him you’re afraid you’ll ask him to stay. No, not ask, beg.

When you wake the next morning the apartment is empty, you’re alone, and you’re devastated.

It’s too quiet without him.


End file.
